Author: astarte lydianna
Season: During 3 and then I wander off the plotlines a bit :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the fandom or characters or anything else recognisable and make no money from this.
Summary: After a slayer turns 18 the cruciamentum isn't the only thing she faces. Council are creepy in this and there will be adult content.
Buffy didn't go to the library at lunchtime, she wasn't exactly sure what she was going to say to Giles when she saw him again...she wasn't even sure if she could look him in the eye again now that she was going to have to...she grabbed her head in frustration not even wanting to think about it. When school ended she couldn't put it off any longer and headed to the library.
When she entered it was empty. She walked round to his office and knocked on the doorframe when she saw him engrossed in paperwork.
"A-ah Buffy, tea?" he asked, noticing her and standing up.
"Please." she agreed.
"I don't even know where to begin Buffy." he sighed as he turned and put the kettle on.
"Are you mad?" she asked softly.
"Why on earth would you think I'd be mad?" he asked looking at her in surprise.
"Because...you know the...well you know." she replied, looking at her feet studioualy.
"Confused perhaps, shocked certainly but not mad." he told her. "Are you certain of your decision Buffy, this can't be undone?"
"Giles, I'm sorry about this... but that watcher said I looked like a smart girl and you know what?" she asked. "A smart girl wouldn't trust a stranger to have total control over her life no matter how nice or hot he was. You're the only one I trust enough to have control over me."
"That's remarkably sound reasoning." he nodded handing her a cup of tea. "Have you decided which ritual you wish to perform?"
"Wish to perform? I don't wish to perform anything but I don't have a choice so what do you think?" she asked.
"Neither are brilliant options, Quentin will want me to test the bond tomorrow to confirm that it is completely active which will require me to inflict pain on you, although that is sort of a moot point since it will be required regardless of which bond you choose and in fact if you change your mind whoever you choose will be required to test the bond." he explained, before picking up a book and opening it. "The death bond links the life forces of watcher and slayer, the watcher is able to inflict pain on his slayer as if she were human, he can neutralize her powers also and there has been some reported cases of sensing emotions or thoughts from one another with this bond which could be useful but could also be an invasion of privacy. Sometimes the slayer has been able to feel pain inflicted on the watcher, it is thought that it has to do with the fact that they are linked so closely. The other downside is that when one dies the other does also."
"That sounds like a no to me. I have a short shelf life, I'm not taking you down with me." she replied shaking her head.
"The other is hardly better Buffy, the Remanachi ritual bonds a slayer to a watcher as a servant. The watcher them has the power to inflict sudden bursts of pain on his slayer when she disobeys, he has the ability to use a form of hypnosis to literally influence her actions against her will. This bond isn't a life force link, it requires renewal every three moon cycles to remain in place and the council will check…they could also change their mind and remove me again at a later date."
"Sometimes I think I'd rather die." she said sadly. "When I think of the slayer in the journals that was forced into it...what he did to her...no wonder she only lasted months, she probably begged for death."
"Buffy..." he sighed in defeat. There was nothing he could say to make this situation better, nothing he could do.
"That's why it has to be you." she told him. "Because I can trust that you won't use any of those powers unless it's a life of death thing. The ritual...you said it...for the slayer...it'll be bad?" He stared at her and felt his chest clench at the look on her face. It reminded him of when he had told her the prophesy of the Master and she had asked if dying would hurt. He reached out quickly to reassure her.
"No, well it can be but it's a lot easier if the people completing the bonding are both willing. Buffy, I won't hurt you...it will be awkward but I won't hurt you." he told her squeezing her hand briefly.
"What happens?" she asked, blinking back her tears and regaining control of her emotions.
"A circle is cast and then sealed once we are inside. There is a spell, an incantation and a blood letting but it will be hardly a sting on both our parts, I'll do it as quickly and cleanly as I can. That begins the binding, sort of like stating our intentions for the higher powers." he explained. "After that the circle is dismantled and both parties must be prepared for the confirmation. Basically you will be expected to wash in natural only ingredients and then dress in a thin natural fiber clothes before returning to the circle. This time inside the circle there is only a short incantation before the confirmation, once completed the bond is sealed. It may feel strange for a short time afterwards because your life force has been altered and joined with another but it will pass quickly." he explained everything as if reading from a book, but he wasn't...he'd read them over and over already. There was no way he could forget them if he tried. "That is for the Kahana death bond, that is the one we should be doing. The other requires more pain on your end than I wish to inflict, I couldn't stand the idea of turning you into that."
"And if we do this...you get to stay my watcher and they go away again?" she asked.
"Yes, once they have confirmed the bond is complete...that I can control you if necessary, they will leave." he nodded.
"Come to mine after patrol tonight." he told her. She nodded and ducked out of his office. "Buffy? You should know before you do this that once you are bonded...you can't have intercourse with anyone else. It um...the bond will automatically cause pain the moment another penetrates you and possibly to the other partner also, so if you change your mind I understand."
"I told you, I trust you, I can't trust a stranger. I'm not changing my mind..." she replied not turning to face him. "I can't be with the guy I want anyway so it's not going to be bothering me for a while and in my line of work there's no point planning that far ahead when tomorrow you might be dead." she shrugged before heading out.
As she headed home she realised that what she said was both true and false, her and Angel were complicated...in fact the only time she could ever see Giles using his control over her was when it had to do with Angel. That was a scary thought but she admitted that perhaps she needed someone else to control her when it came to him. She couldn't be with him, at least not romantically. She couldn't let her hormones slip and release that monster on the world again. So really, not being able to have sex with him again was probably the only perk she was going to get out of this. Sex with Giles...it was something she found pretty difficult to imagine. She tried picturing him more like Ripper...would he be more like that? She shook her head, probably not...with Miss Calendar he had been all spluttery still.
She ate dinner with her mother in silence and finished her history assignment before getting ready for patrol. She wished her mother goodnight and her Mom told her to be careful as she headed out. Only one vampire tonight, good...she liked it when things weren't busy but also weren't so quiet that it was obvious something big was going down.
When she arrived at Giles' place there were two unfamiliar cars outside. She knocked and the door opened automatically. She came in and scanned the room. It didn't look the same as it usually did; the furniture had been shoved to the sides to allow ample floor space for a large circle. Travers and Gareth greeted her first.
"You can still change your mind until the second casting, once you step into the circle the second time you cannot." he told her.
"Get lost." she muttered.
"Buffy, I trust patrol went smoothly?" Giles asked as he entered the room.
"Just the one in an alley off Vale street. No new graves in the cemeteries tonight so all good." she nodded.
"Anything unusual about the vampire or just the usual?" he asked.
"Nope, just the usual. Nothing special either not that old, not that smart." she shrugged. "Hey if things stay this quiet I might get that social life after all."
"Buffy." he chided. In front of the council was not the time for her jokes, although that was probably why she was doing it.
"I know I know." she nodded.
"So she does do as she's told." Travers chuckled.
"It has been known yes, usually asking works better than ordering." her watcher told the older man coldly.
"Yes well, shall we get started then?" he asked, seeming to wave off the thought that asking a slayer rather than ordering her was even possible.
"Buffy?" Giles asked. She nodded and moved closer to him even though she felt like she was about to be sick. It wasn't that she was repulsed or afraid of him. It wasn't him at all. It was giving up part of herself in a way more permanent than marriage, at eighteen...with no choice in the matter.
"All you have to do at this point is when I ask you in the circle if you consent to the bond you simply have to say that you do, or even yes will suffice." he told her before moving to the other men in the room to supervise the setting up of herbs and candles around the circle.
"You're sure I can't persuade you?" she turned to the blonde man next to her and shook her head. He was very beautiful; he was thin and pale but not paler than Angel of course. He probably had perfect little abs under his shirt too. He couldn't have been older than thirty. She had no doubt that they had sent him hoping that her hormones would lead her to choose him.
"You said I was a smart girl, a smart girl doesn't give a stranger total control over her for the rest of her life." she told him.
"Not even if you like it?" he smirked.
"It doesn't matter either way. I don't trust you, I trust him. Decision made." she nodded.
"He's old enough to be your father." he pressed.
"But he's not my father...and since slayer come with an expiration date he still isn't likely to die first." she replied.
"No, you'll die and take him with you instead." he bit out a last shot before moving away. She had to admit that it had worked, she felt guilty.
"Buffy?" she heard Giles call her.
"Um...before we...are you sure Giles? You're about to give up-"
"I'm not going anywhere, we're in this together Buffy." he told her reaching and squeezing her hand. "Until the end." She nodded; he knew what she was thinking...he didn't need a power for that.
They stepped into the circle and she watched her watcher begin to speak. As he did the candles flared brighter. It wasn't long before he reached for a shiny goblet and a knife on the floor between them.
He reached for her hand and sliced her palm cleanly and quickly, as he had promised. She didn't let out a noise or visibly flinch, she didn't want to give the council members around them the satisfaction. Giles saw it though, a brief flicker in her eyes at the sting of the cut. The blood dropped into the cup and then he repeated the action with his own palm. When he chanted again over the goblet he stopped and looked to her for a moment.
"Do you consent to the bond willingly?" he asked.
"I...yes." she nodded. He chanted again and she leant back in surprise when the cup burst into flames inside.
All the candles died down at the same time as the fire inside the goblet and the room went silent.
"You can step out of the circle now." he told her.
As they moved out of the circle it suddenly occurred to her that there were five other men here watching their every more.
"Giles?" she asked. "Please tell me they don't have to watch the whole thing."
"They won't be able to see." he reassured her. "The second part of the ritual is considered sacred; the circle will be surrounded by a wall of sorts, a magical energy that shrouds the inside and outside. We won't be able to see them nor will they be able to see us. We have clothing that we can work around rather than remove if that makes you more comfortable. Another reason why this bond would be better than the other, the Remanachi bond is to bond is not an equal bond and it's nature does not require privacy." She nodded blankly for a moment and then realised he was moving away and quickly caught his arm to stop him.
"It isn't you Giles, I don't have anything against you; it's all of this...the lack of choice...being forced into something like this." she tried to explain. "Alright I'm not going to lie, I've never thought about you that way and it'll be weird but you don't repulse me and I'm not afraid of you. I just...thought you should know that."
"It helps." he nodded. They moved away from one another and he headed over to Travers.
A man she hadn't met handed her a pile of linen. "You are to go into the bathroom and wash then wear this and only this when you return." he told her.
"I'm guessing that means no underwear too...great." she mumbled heading into the bathroom. Giles watched her go before heading to the kitchen and using the sink to quickly rinse himself off and change, not bothering with his modesty and just remaining facing away from the men in his front room.
When he returned to the edge of the circle he stood in a pair of black linen trousers with nothing beneath them, his feet and chest bare. Thankfully the weather in California allowed him to remain warm even in so little.
"I want you all out of my home the moment the bond is sealed. When those barriers come down I don't want to see you on the other side of them." he told Travers harshly.
"Understood, but you know you will still have to meet us in the morning, both of you." the older man replied. He waited for Buffy and eventually it had been so long that one of the men knocked on the bathroom door. She came out only moments later dressed in a simple white linen tunic that had short sleeves and reached her knees. Her hair was wet and she looked only looked at the ground as she shuffled out to the edge of the circle.
"This is the last chance either of you will get to change your minds, Buffy you can redo the first ritual with your new watcher. After this there is no turning back." Travers spoke.
Buffy didn't speak.
"I need an answer from both of you, are you definitely going through with this?" he demanded.
"You'll not talk me into backing out now Quentin." Giles told him firmly.
"Yes, I'm going through with it." Buffy said quietly, staring at the floor and her bare feet.
"Well, if you wanted to ruin the relationship I had with my slayer congratulations, you've done it." Giles growled at his colleagues. "She'll never look me in the eye again after this and you bloody well know it."
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Quentin shrugged.
"Buffy?" he asked her softly holding out his hand to her. She uncrossed her arms and slid her hand into his and he led her into the circle. He spoke an incantation that Buffy didn't understand, it sounded like Latin but she wasn't sure and her vision seemed to blur. It took her a moment to realise that her vision hadn't blurred, she could still see her feet and hands clearly, it was anything outside the circle that had blurred. Like a bubble just like Giles had told her.
They both stood in an awkward silence for a moment before she found the courage to look at him.
"This won't ruin us will it Giles?" she asked him. "After everything we've been through so far I mean? This isn't our fault after all..."
"I hope not." he replied stepping closer to her until he could take her hands in his. "But it is a foolish wish to think this won't affect us at all."
"I know." she admitted. "So..."
He looked around the bubble nervously, he had tried to push the fear of being unable to perform to the back of his mind until now but the fact that he wasn't erect would be a problem. They had no choice now, if they left without the bonding the council would execute them instead he had no doubt. They had begun the second part, Buffy could not bond with anyone but him now so unless they completed it…Buffy was of no use to them.
"This is awkward huh?" she asked, her lips quirking into a glimpse of a smile.
"Yes it is rather." he grinned.
"Giles, how do we do this? I've...only done this the once." she asked looking nervous.
"You don't have to remove that if you don't feel comfortable. As you can see no one else can see us. It's just you and I." he told her moving his hands to her shoulders. "Perhaps if for a moment we close our eyes and try to forget who we are?"
"OK...I can play pretend." she nodded closing her eyes. After a moment she spoke again. "Now what?"
"Say silent Buffy, just be patient." he told her. He had been trying to pretend she was someone else also or at least try to pretend she wasn't really her or something but her talking had ruined that. He tried again.
Buffy was beginning to feel a bit silly, she kept her eyes closed but she couldn't forget who she was or where she was. She couldn't forget who she was with either but having her eyes closed certainly helped her relax a bit. She felt him move closer and tensed a little. Then lips touched hers and she sucked in a slight breath in surprise. She kept her eyes closed and didn't dare move, she didn't respond but she tried to relax, freezing on him wouldn't help. She couldn't forget who he was either so she tried focusing her attention elsewhere. She focused on just the lips rather than the man. The warm lips placing small chaste kisses against hers, lingering a fraction longer with each kiss. When they lingered long enough to stroke hers she found herself following as they retreated. She was rewarded with another kiss which she responded to willingly.
Those lips continued to caress hers, move with hers until a hot tongue slid into her partially open mouth. This she could do. Kissing she could do. Focusing on the feelings and the details rather than the overall picture would get her through this. For a brief moment she felt herself tensing up remembering who she was kissing but then a hand moved from her shoulder to delve amongst her hair and coax her closer. She let out a small groan as her stomach fluttered.
Before she could think again she found herself pressed tightly along his body held in his arms and responding to his heated kiss. Her hands braced themselves on the hot bare skin of his chest. Her fingers toyed with the hairs there and the thought that this was Giles crept in again but it didn't panic her this time, she wasn't thinking enough to worry about it. She felt him against her stomach, hard and ready. She didn't dare let him stop kissing her for fear it would end the spell between them but she carefully tugged at his shoulder and tried to express to him what she wanted. Seeming to realise what she wanted he followed her unceremoniously to the floor trying not to let his lips leave hers for more than a breath.
Giles leant up on one hand as he kissed her, his other travelled the length of her body. He knew that this was Buffy, he hadn't been able to forget but she was a beautiful young woman who he cared about a great deal so it was easier for him. His worst fear was doing something that Buffy didn't want but right now she seemed totally comfortable with him. She gasped against his mouth as his hand slid up under her tunic and gripped her hip. Such a lovely sound. He moved his legs to push hers apart and press himself over her fully. She seemed to buck involuntarily against him as his tented trousers brushed against her center. Her tunic was partially lifted now so she would be nearly exposed there, he skimmed his hand from her hip to her mound and stroked over it a few times before exploring further.
Buffy felt like all the breath had left her when she felt his fingers slide inside her. She felt that she should be embarrassed but his fingers rocking rhythmically inside her prevented that thought from coming to the front of her mind. His hand left her and she couldn't contain the slight sigh of disappointment at the loss. Moments later his hand gripped her hip again and then her eyes flew open as she felt him fill her completely in one solid movement. She tore her lips from his with the force of her gasp for air. She didn't even register the pleasured groan that slipped from his own mouth.
"Are you alright?" his voice murmured against her ear. She didn't really know the answer to that question; he had made her feel so wonderful that she's almost completely forgotten why they were doing this and why she had been nervous. Now that he filled her she felt stretched to the point where it was uncomfortable but still something her body wanted. She hadn't heard that it could hurt the second time...although this certainly wasn't the same as the sharp pain from before... Would it feel uncomfortable inside every time she had sex with a man? "Buffy?" She heard concern in his voice and shifted her gaze to meet his.
"I'm alright." she said softly. She trusted him, there was no man in her life that she trusted more...and right now her body wanted his regardless of whether the love between them was romantic or not. She shifted her hips a little as she adjusted to him inside her. "Does it always feel so awkward for women at first?"
"Awkward how?" he asked patiently placing a kiss on her neck.
"Being stretched." she replied amazed that she had even asked the question in the first place and kicking herself for probably ruining the moment. She was surprised by his slight chuckle against her neck.
"No love, but if you're new to this then your body isn't used to stretching those muscles." he explained, pulling back and then thrusting forward again earning a small noise from the blonde beneath him. "God you feel incredible." He moved again and Buffy couldn't do anything but think the same. He felt incredible inside her, his now steady movements causing wonderful feelings in her that she hadn't felt in a long time. His lips moved over her shoulder and neck allowing her to just nuzzle into his shoulder to quieten her sounds of pleasure. He released her hip and leant up on his arms, lifting his lips from her skin and shifting his angle slightly. Her head dropped back against the floor as she let out a moan. She tensed around him as a tingling feeling reached her stomach, his next thrust brought the same lovely tingling as before and no sooner had she released what it was she was feeling did she reach out to grip his arms as she gasped for air and lost herself to the waves of pleasure travelling through her body. She felt him shift above her again and by the time she began to regain her senses he was groaning against her neck.
The world grew blurry again but this time it was her not the barrier of the circle. Her head span and her chest ached and she barely registered anything for a while.
Seeing Buffy's eyes glazing over snapped him out of his post-orgasm glow pretty quickly. She seemed to be in pain. She didn't say a word but moved her hands to clutch her head and shake it about. He climbed off of her swiftly, tucked himself back away and pulled her head into his lap to prevent her hurting herself and began massaging her temples. The bond was taking place. The barrier around the circle began to fade and he was grateful that there was no one waiting the over side of it. Once the magic had stopped flaring he cast a simple spell to put the candles out and scooped her up into his arms.
He tucked her into his bed and sat next to her as she began to relax and eventually drift into a calm sleep. He stood to leave her but froze before he reached the doorway. Her first time she had awoken to find Angel missing and later that he was evil...what would she think if she woke up alone a second time?
He turned and moved to lie in the bed with her, keeping to his side but watching over her until he too fell asleep, because that was who he was. Her watcher, bonded with her in both life and death. He would be whatever she needed.